me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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