I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
