I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
