it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
