According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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