i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
