I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
