So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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