i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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