so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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