I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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