After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize