I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
