she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
