Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
