remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
