he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
