her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Two words: blizzard sex
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
