Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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