sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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