Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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