So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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