I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
