The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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