I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
