I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
