hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Quick, to the slutcave!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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