i already hear my dad disowning me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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