So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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