I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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