I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
