The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
