it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
