I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
