The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
