Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
