I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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