the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
