last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
