Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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