apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
