the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
