He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
