Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Never joke about your clitoris.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize