Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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