I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
