new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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