I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
