Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
