You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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