Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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