i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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