break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize