why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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