so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
