never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
