I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
