Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
