My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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