i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
