Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
