but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
