How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
