I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
