You're completely useless in the revolution.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
