Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
