ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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