I like my sex mixed with concussions.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
