I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
