so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
