Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
