ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
