It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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