My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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