Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
