Non-Jews are for practice
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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