Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize