ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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