Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize