Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
