She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
